Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Stay at Home Poser

Right now I am sitting on the couch snuggling my baby on my chest while writing. My older children are at preschool at the same time- this only happens for two hours each week.

This morning was the first morning that I was able to time feeding the baby, getting myself ready for the day and getting the kids ready for school.

I drank an entire cup of coffee from a mug in my kitchen and perused a catalog. My to-do list is growing quickly and is being checked off no where near as quickly because I have three kids under four years old and my ability to stay in task is challenged.

Heck, I took the kids-all 3- on a play date smack dab in the middle of a week day.

I am enjoying the life of a stay at home mom.

However, this comes to an end in April, when I go back to work. This is only maternity leave- the shortest I've taken with all three children.

Don't think I'm saying that being a stay at home mom is easy- or easier than being a working parents. Both have pros and cons making them equally challenging, rewarding, dreadful, wonderful, etc...

I have mixed feelings about being home. I absolutely love being home with my family. There is nothing like removing work from your mind to help you focus fully on your home life. I feel very in tune with my children.

But on the other hand, I thrive on routine and I expend a lot if mental and emotional energy trying to to create (or just pretending) and alter our schedule. And despite the state of my home at the moment, I am constantly organizing and rearranging. It makes me feel in control. I know that this is both a cause and effect of my postpartum depression, my need for order in a time if total chaos has me reeling. It always does.

I have always wanted to be home with my children and our drastic changes made last year are a sacrifice now to low me that privilege soon. But I find that I am dreading going back to work even more than I did with my other two. I can see how much I will be missing while I'm away from them. This baby is likely our last and I will bees sing his first just like I had to with his siblings. I also don't have much time until Princess is in school. Time is flying and there is nothing I can do about it.
I am also aware that I am asking my mother and mother in law to take on a lot while watching the kids during the day. I'm worried I'm asking too much.

Right now, I'm pretending that I'm a stay at home mom with no plans to go back to work. I have a few weeks left to live in a fantasy world.

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1 comment:

  1. Robin WorthingtonMarch 8, 2013 at 6:11 AM

    I wouldn't trade my time with the kids for anything. Love being involved in their lives. They are truly little blessings in my life. So glad to be able to help you at this stage of your life and I will be happy to continue as long as you need me my precious daughter. Love you lots.