Bittersweet

If you have had babies, you know that they go through crazy developmental spurts completely out of nowhere.  In case you haven't been here long, I have a little guy I call Nemo here on the blog that will be turning one in February.  ONE YEAR OLD.  He is my third and likely last baby so I am trying to soak up every second of him (not unlike what I did with his siblings, really).  And this last week has been one of those bittersweet times where I am reminded that he is getting to be such a big boy already.

Starting last weekend, he has become very inventive when he wants to get to something - usually me or Daddy.  We use a wall of furniture to block his path between the family room, kitchen and laundry room because there is no doorway, just one great room.  Two of the three pieces of furniture are his exersaucer (stuffed with other things because he won't actually go in it anymore) and my older sons train table.  He figured out that he can use the toys on his exersaucer to gain leverage so he can pull himself up and over.  He also realized that it's just so much fun to stand up on top of the table...

Nemo has also figured out that words have power.  He has been saying variations of Mama, Dada, Hi, Bye-Bye and light for a while.  He has now added "Mumum," which seems to mean food of any sort ( and he's eating all kinds of fun things now), and something that means "No," which is now accompanied by head shaking and finger wagging.  It's very cute ;)

And last, but not least, he is walking!  He has been standing steadily for a month or two, so I thought it was going to have happened already, but he gets nervous when the other kids are playing around him.  I totally understand, poor guy.  So now, when he sees that he is on his own or they are busy, he does his thing. Yesterday he took four steps in a row and he seems so much more confident!

I can't believe that this time last year, I was so very pregnant and sick and about to be put on bed rest.  I was sooo ready to have him in my arms and get my body back.  This year was such a BIG year for us and it flew by faster than any other year of my life!  What a blessing Nemo has been - I can't imagine what life would be like without our kiddos <3

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Working Mother Guilt

Today is one of those days where guilt eats me up over being a working mother. I don't have a choice, but I question myself in moments like these.

Did we make the right decisions?
Are we doing our best?
What if...?

The answers are yes, yes and what-ifs get you nowhere.

I know these things, but I still run over them in my mind daily.

Yesterday, my little guy Nemo had his 6 month well visit and received 3 shots :(  And unlike my older two children, they really make him feel lousy.  Each time we have gone he has done wonderfully and then has a very tough few days after.  On top of that, he's teething, so he was already feeling kinda bad.

This morning when I had to get ready for work, he wanted me to hold him and cuddle.  I snuggled him for as long as I could and then I had to hand him over to Daddy.  Luckily, Daddy is his very favorite person.  But he cried!  He doesn't cry for Daddy!  Today he wanted me, his Mommy, and I had to leave.

Gut.wrenching.guilt.

I firmly believe that mothers should be home with their children and I am deeply resentful about how most families need two incomes to survive.  We are making sacrifices now so that my husband can get a really good job that allows me to be home with the kids.  But right now, my baby needs me and I'm not there.  These times make it hard.

No point, no pity.  I am just writing to share.

Do you struggle with this or other sacrifices that you have had to make, even though they will be for the best in the end?

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